Excuse Central
by Red Witch
Summary: Once again Commander Walsh must explain to the higher ups about all the insanity that goes on at BETA.


**I don't have any excuse that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters. I did however create Commander Cain for the fun of it. If they made more Galaxy Rangers episodes I wouldn't have to write these crazy fics! **

**Excuse Central**

"Commander Cain," Commander Walsh looked at the Earth Military officer. "What do you want?"

"World peace, a million dollars, some beautiful women to make me some tropical drinks," Cain rattled off the list. "But right now I'll settle for your explanations on some of your expense reports."

"Since when do I have to explain to you about BETA's budget?" Walsh bristled.

"Since I traded in a few favors to the Board of Leaders," Cain told him as he showed him a piece of paper. "Your original auditor is a bit preoccupied. It's not every day a man walks into his home and finds his soon to be ex-wife and his colleague in bed together."

"That's pretty shocking," Walsh blinked.

"I'll say," Cain shook his head. "I was so sure Wheiner wouldn't be home that day."

"You didn't!" Walsh snapped.

"Oh like I'm the only person who **has!"** Cain snorted. "That woman has bedded more elected officials than a Washington DC hotel. Long story short while Wheiner is trying to calm down in the nearest mental hospital, I have to take over a few little chores just to smooth the waters with the Board of Leaders. So let's get this over with."

"Wonderful," Walsh grumbled as Cain sat down at his desk. "Just the thing I need to brighten my day."

"You must admit some of these excuses are a bit suspicious," Cain gave Walsh a look. "Like this one about a dozen tiny copies of Buzzwang stealing a space ship."

"Actually that **did **happen…" Commander Walsh sighed. "You see what happened was…"

"Never mind," Cain waved. "We'll get back to that one. Now here's an interesting expense report from a year ago. **Nine million dollars** for vending machines that double as security systems?"

"Uh right you see Ranger Buzzwang…" Commander Walsh began.

"Buzzwang was involved in this **too?**" Cain interrupted.

"He's the one that made the machines," Walsh explained. "But they did help us when Lazarus Slade invaded BETA."

"If I recall the report correctly with an android replicant of Premier Dutch," Cain said.

"The report indicates how Slade was defeated and captured," Walsh said. "Before he escaped. Again."

"I read the report and I **still** don't believe it! The invasion was stopped by a bunch of vending machines, some children and two alien ambassadors?" Cain looked at him. "That has to be one of the dumbest things I have ever heard of!"

"You obviously haven't read some of the Series Five Mission reports," Walsh told him. "You want to talk about unbelievable check out the Mothmoose file."

"I read that one too," Cain said. "Those same children and ambassadors went all the way to Tortuna and took on bandits as well as Crown Agents to rescue a **flying moose?" **

"Yes…" Walsh winced, realizing how ridiculous it sounded.

"Seriously Walsh why do we even bother with well trained soldiers when we can have a dim witted robot and a **bunch of children** that can take care of things?" Cain snapped.

"All right so there have been a few…instances," Walsh admitted. "I admit those were not exactly BETA's finest hours. But what happened in the reports is really true."

"I know because even **you **can come up with better lies than that! Which leads me to some more interesting expenses," Cain looked at another paper. "And I don't just mean all the times Gooseman has crashed a ship or walls Foxx has blown up with his bionic arm."

"And by interesting you mean…?"

"This most recent one," Cain showed him. "Ten thousand dollars for nachos and barbecue sauce? Who ordered **that?**"

"A computer glitch," Walsh gritted his teeth. "A feathered computer glitch."

"Walsh you can't blame all your troubles on a defective memory bird," Cain gave him a look.

"You're right," Walsh said. "Q-Ball and Buzzwang have caused more than their share of messes around here!"

BLOOP! BLOOP! BLOOP!

"Case in point…" Walsh grumbled as he went to investigate what was going on outside.

In the hallway Buzzwang was chasing a huge brown blob of something. "Come back here! You are not authorized to be in this sector! Come back!"

"Try to corner it Buzzwang!" Q-Ball ran behind him with a net.

"Q-Ball!" Walsh shouted. "What the bloody blue blazes is going on around here **now?**"

"Uh slight lab accident sir," Q-Ball gulped. "You know how it goes. Add some DNA here, activate it there. Add in a little growth hormone…"

"It looks and smells like a giant piece of chocolate pudding that's come to life," Cain blinked.

"It **is **a giant piece of chocolate pudding that's come to life," Q-Ball said. "After I uh tinkered with it."

"You performed an experiment on your own **dessert?**" Cain yelled.

"Actually no, it was **Doc's dessert**," Q-Ball said. "By the way if he asks I didn't **touch** his key lime pie! In fact I uh…Never saw it."

"What do you mean by **that?**" Walsh roared. Q-Ball ran down the hallway. "Q-BALL! Q-BALL GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!"

"Commander Walsh," Zach's voice was heard on the intercom. "This is Captain Foxx. There's some weird green stuff on the ceiling of Hanger Bay Nine. And for some reason it smells like limes in here."

"Q-BALL! YOU ARE GOING TO BE SCRUBBING TOILETS FOR MONTHS!" Walsh roared as he chased Q-Ball down the hallway. "DO YOU HEAR ME? MONTHS! WHOAAAAA!"  
SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDD!

"SOMEONE GET A CUSTODIAN TO CLEAN UP THIS MESS!" Commander Walsh roared. He had slipped and fallen in the chocolate pudding mess.

BLOOP! BLOOP! BLOOP!

"NO! DON'T TRY AND EAT COMMANDER WALSH!" Buzzwang shouted. "THAT IS VERY INNAPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR!"

"GET OFF ME YOU PIECE OF…" Walsh roared as he pulled out his blaster from his holster.

BLAST! SPLATTER!

"My lab coat is ruined!" Q-Ball whined. "And my experiment is all over the halls!"

"That is the **least **of your problems you insane…" Commander Walsh sputtered as he stood up, covered completely in chocolate pudding.

"Well there's always the butterscotch pudding," Q-Ball mused.

"THAT'S IT! YOU ARE DEAD!" Commander Walsh started trying to blast Q-Ball with his blaster. "DIE!"

"AAAAHHHH!" Q-Ball ran for his life.

"Commander Walsh please! This is unseemly!" Buzzwang was trying to hold Commander Walsh back.

"I'LL SHOW YOU UNSEEMLY YOU BUCKET OF BOLTS!" Walsh roared. "LET ME SHOOT HIM! I AM YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER! I **ORDER** YOU TO LET ME **SHOOT** HIM!"

"Q-BALL!" Doc's voice was heard. "WHERE ARE THOSE PASTRIES I HAD SAVED FOR AFTER LUNCH? AND WHY IS THE BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING TRYING TO EAT MY CDU?"

"This place is an insane asylum," Cain remarked. "I have **got **to come here more often!"


End file.
